Writer's Digest just emailed me to let me know my short story didn't win anything. But this is not really about that. It's been almost 2 weeks since I blogged, which is not acceptable for a writer, so I need to get a blog post published. I have so much swirling around in my mind, always. I do write every day, using morning pages, but that is not something I share with the public at large. But the blog is. So here I am.
My distant traveling adventures are over, at least for now. My path is wide open as to what I want to do with myself. I have lots of options, and sometimes that is the problem. It is kind of frightening, but awesome at the same time. I remember on my birthday, almost 2 years ago, I took the day off. I imagined what my day would be like if I did not have to work a "full-time" job. If I was a freelancer, and could set my own schedule for the day. So now, here I am.
It is crazy when you get what you asked for. A clear schedule, money in the bank, living in a place that inspires my creativity. I have been very specific about crafting a life that would allow me to have the freedom to do what I love. Part of what I love is traveling and taking pictures. Bringing people pieces of the world they may never see. Another part of that is writing. Poems, books, short stories, novels.
Sometimes I get scared of my own creativity. Feeling like if I let the torrent flow, I may never get all of it, may never capture it all and it will all go to waste. So sometimes I prefer to keep the faucet off. What happens then is the pressure gets so great, I have to release some pressure. So here I am today, sharing my thoughts, because I can do little else.
But here's one thing I do know - I can never go back. No matter how difficult this present course could be, it is exactly what I want, what I have asked for. And honestly, I have moments of difficulties, but never days, or even hours. Moments, like clouds moving across the sky and blocking the sun. A moment of darkness, but then it's gone.
I don't know what the future holds. How can any of us? But, the beauty of letting go of all my "certainty" is that I have become very comfortable with all that is seemingly so uncertain right now. The fact of the matter is this - even those of us who think we are so certain in everything we are doing, there is NOTHING certain about anything. Instead of being fearful about the future, I choose to look at it as an adventure, most of the time.
I guess what this post is becoming about is embracing uncertainty. Giving in to creativity. Honoring yourself and the things that truly matter to you. Quit honoring fear. While I was in Ireland, I was in a constant state of uncertainty. I didn't know where things were, didn't know how to get around, couldn't have even explained where I was on a map at first. But then, as I took each day moment by moment, my fear of the unknown evaporated. All of a sudden, I was navigating around Ireland with nothing but a map and it was an amazing adventure! I quit thinking of all the things that could go wrong, and instead would keep moving forward towards my destination. One kilometer at a time.
And so that's my lesson. To myself, and to all of you. Keep moving forward. Whether it is one foot, one inch, one mile, one kilometer. One tiny thing, no matter how small, can keep us on track. When I would be driving in Ireland, I would pick my final destination, the route to get there, and what would be the very next place I needed to get to. Once I got to that next place, I would pull over, figure out the next road I needed to take to the next destination. And it was in this fashion I ended up driving almost 2000 miles in Ireland all by myself, and made it to all of my destinations without much mishap at all. Everywhere I decided I wanted to go, I made it. Kilometer by kilometer, village by village. If I made a mistake, I simply backtracked and got on the right path. But, I was still moving forward.
So keep moving forward! No matter how small the step, take it. Even if it looks like you are going nowhere, you are. And, eventually, you will find yourself on the top of that mountain, or at that beach, or in that job you want, or the relationship you dream about. One small step at a time.