Samhain

I am not entirely sure what this blog will end up being about.  I just know I haven't written in 3 weeks and I am itching to do so now.  This happens to me when I am taking on something new.  I use the majority of my energy learning new things, so sometimes the other things in my life (writing) suffer.   Once I've got it sorted out, then I get back to a more normal routine.  In this case, it happens to be a new job, working at Voicebox in SE Portland.  If you have no idea what Voicebox is, take a peek at our site.  A "private-suite" karaoke lounge, the only one of its' kind in our fair city.  I make reservations over the phone for people to come in and sing their hearts out in the privacy of their own rooms.  We also have a full bar, and tasty food options.  Pretty cool.  For the first time in maybe my whole entire life, I am working at jobs I enjoy.  

For a long, long time, I didn't realize you could create a life you love.  I didn't realize I had the choice to make my life exactly as I wanted it.  I took what was offered, having little in the way of knowledge about who I was and what my heart desired.  It's taken some time.  Years, honestly, for me to figure this out.  I still don't have it totally figured out, but I've got a lot of it figured out.  At least some of the parts of what I want to spend my life doing.  

Tomorrow, for the first time in over a year, I will be working an 8-hour day.  That in itself is something for me to celebrate.  I technically work three jobs, part-time.  Lyft, Uber and now Voicebox.  I tend to count Lyft and Uber as the same job though.  So in truth it is only two.  And then there's the writing.  That is not something I have figured out how to monetize.  Once I get my Voicebox training and schedule down, and my driving schedule down, I will shift my focus to what my writing career is going to look like.  I don't know if I can ever go back to a 40-hour work week.  I love this freedom too much.

We all have dreams.  Some of us figure out we can live our dreams, and some are buried deep, and some rise to the surface by an unexpected turn this way or that.  Whatever the case, the last year has been incredible for me.  And I intend my life to keep going in this trajectory, upwards.  Maybe not in the ways you think.  Not in terms of promotions, or a fancier car, or a bigger place.  But in the ways that count to me.  Finishing my books.  Working on my original music.  Refinishing furniture.  Taking more photographs.  Traveling to even more places.  

I learned recently, from Felicity Hayes-McCoy, that for pagan Celts, November 1st was the beginning of their year, Samhain.  Felicity is the writer of "House on an Irish Hillside", a book I picked up at a bookstore in Dingle while I was in Ireland.  I was lucky enough to get a signed copy!  Samhain is still the Irish word for November, and the pagan Celts started their new year in winter, rather than spring, as "their world-view celebrated dark times, recognising that life itself comes from darkness and a dormant seed." Our Halloween "is an echo of the ancient Celtic belief that on OĆ­che Shaman (Samhain or Halloween Night as we know it) the spirits of the dead returned to the homes they'd once lived in. People believed that - provided the living recognised and respected their ancestors' presence - the dead would protect them. So each year the dead were welcomed with food, fires, music and dancing. That way they they wouldn't get offended. And get nasty."  

Samhain is a time of transition, and this time of year I always seem to be in that transition period. This year, I started a new job, and I will be on the move again.  I've spent the better part of this year living in NE Portland, renting a room from a long-time friend of my family.  Now, I will be relocating to Sellwood, in the SE part of Portland, and renting a room from good friends of mine.  


It's been an interesting journey over the last year.  I have revisited a lot of the places where old wounds needed to be healed.  Kind of like a do-over for me.  It's like all of the circles are closing, healing over.  NE is where my parents lived, where I spent my teenage and young adult years.  I'm not going to go into all the stories, but this and many other locations held painful memories for me, and now they have been replaced with good memories. I went back to Montana to see my Dad.  I went back to work for a company that let me go some years ago.  I guess perhaps Sellwood is my last "do-over".  I am very excited about this new chapter in my life.  And, many of the most important things and people in my life are in that area of town.   So here's to the transition times, to Samhain, to death and rebirth and the life that comes from a darkness and the dormant seeds within us all.  Perhaps next year I will celebrate Samhain in Ireland.  

BestThings: Wednesday Edition

What to do when you can't sleep?  Walk down to the public dock, enjoy the cool breeze off the river and hope you don't fall in.  Because honestly, there's no one there to save me if I do. Luckily, that did not happen.  So here I am writing about the "best things" from today.

Morning. Where do I start?  I spent the morning at home, meditated, did yoga, wrote morning pages, took a long walk, found a house I love, watched the hot construction workers replacing some deck beams next door.  Objectifying?  Absolutely.  Nothing wrong with a healthy appreciation for some toned men with their shirts off.  It was a HOT one today.  

Afternoon.  Uber can't seem to get their act together.  I had the "opportunity" to give my "Partner Support Specialist", Patrick, a Lyft ride this afternoon so he could get me the $500 bonus because the "system" was having technical difficulties.  I think he just wanted an excuse to see me again.  I am pretty awesome....and yes, I am feeling a little sassy tonight.  I gave a few other Lyft rides here and there while enjoying the A/C in the basement at my actual home.  

Evening.  Tonight I had the great pleasure of having dinner with John & Lois (and Tony), dear friends whom (who?)  I love a lot.  Lois made Chicken Parmagiana, pasta, salad and a delicious chocolate zucchini cake.  We talked about family and travel, shared cocktails and coffee and got caught up on life.  I promised it would not be another 5 or 6 or 10 years until we saw each other again.  There seems to be a lot of that going around.  Reconnecting with people.  And it's good, all good.  The moon tonight is so beautiful, it puts me in a very romantic mood.  Now...if I only had someone to share it with....

Sometimes I feel like I have all this love to give.  Well, not sometimes, all the time.  I'm not always very good about getting it out there, I'm definitely better with words than I am talking half the time.  I don't know, I've felt something shift in the last few weeks or so, maybe even the last month.  And I'm talking personally now.  Maybe I'm not ready to "settle down", and maybe I don't have to be.  But I think I am ready for the greatest adventure in my life....love.  Not just any love, but a true love.  I am a master at being alone...Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to master something.  I've got being alone down, maybe a little bit too much.  And I'm probably going to look at this tomorrow and think "why in the hell did I write that?" but hey, it is my blog.  I have learned there is something freeing about being completely honest and vulnerable about what you want.  So that's it.  I'm publicly telling the world and Universe at large that I am open.  Open to love and open to romance.  Who doesn't want the adventure of a great love story?  I most definitely do.  




BestThings: Saturday Edition

Right now it's raining.  Yes.  That's right.  Rain. And it's kinda awesome.  We spend so much time complaining about the weather, I decided that is one thing I am not going to waste my time on.  Accept what is, and adjust accordingly.  So, I'm enjoying listening to the rain on the river and going to a movie a little later this afternoon.  

Weather.  Yesterday's weather was amazing!  I spent the evening out on the Willamette River with my brother and nephew, grilling up some brats and enjoying the beautiful sunshine.  Connor swam and we sat in Adirondack chairs watching the boats, kayaks, paddle boards and various other watercraft go by.  The sun blazed a golden path across the river, and once it dipped below the trees on the West bank, the weather got a little breezy and a little chilly.  I could spend every sunset just like that.  I did not see one single other person out on their deck.  If I lived in a houseboat, I would never get anything done because I could be out on the deck all the time.  It was an amazing gift, spending the evening on the river.

Wildlife.  I've seen a beaver two times now, just after sunset.  I wasn't sure if it was a nutria, or a beaver, but after looking at photos of both, I've determined it was a beaver.  And the heron.  Ever present on or near the docks closest to the river bank, below the ramp.  I took the dogs out for one last walk before bed and that's when I saw the beaver.  And of course, in addition to all the normal ducks, geese, swallows, and fish I always see.  I cannot help but feel alive with so much evidence of life around me.  

Driving. I sucked it up and signed up to drive with Uber yesterday.  Got my vehicle inspected and everything.  I found out after I am approved and have given 10 rides, I get a $100 bonus.  I was kind of bummed because I wasn't going to get to use my brother's referral code, for he and I to get a $300 bonus, but then they told me I would get a $500 bonus after 2o rides because I drove for Lyft also.  Awesome!!  So, once that comes through I'm going to kick back $300 to my brother because it was his prompting that sent me to get all set up with Uber.  I gave a few Lyft rides yesterday to some really nice people .  I am so very grateful to have a job where I can flex my schedule around to my liking.  And, why should I limit myself to one company?  I decided to maximize my earning potential.

I was thinking about what I was doing last summer.  Working my ass off, that's what.  Making tons of money, but no time.  The only day in July I half remember was my birthday, and then going to Harefest one night.  The interesting thing is that I am not making anywhere close to that amount of money, and I am just as happy.  I am having all these amazing experiences instead.  But, working that hard last summer put me in a position to be able to explore and figure out what I wanted to do this year.  I've applied for a bunch of different jobs, even tried some, but the doors were not opening. So, I got the message, loud and clear, that driving is what I need to do.   I make decent money, anywhere from $20-$25 for the hours I do drive.  And, if I can get away with working 15-20 hours a week to pay my expenses, why wouldn't I?  I'm not looking for a career.  I already know what that is.  I am a writer.  Until I monetize that, however, I do need a job that pays the bills.  And this is perfect for me.  Doors keep opening up for me for other options too, such as housesitting.  I've asked for adventures, and I've definitely got them.  

I am grateful.  For everything.  I did a meditation today explaining grace and gratitude have more to do with true success than the ego does, always trying to grasp and control.  I have found this to be so true. As I am grateful for what I have, though in the eyes of the ego world it does not seem like much, more abundance comes to me.  And in ways I do not expect.  As I expand, rather than constrict, the Universe or God, the Great Author or Creator breathes "Yes!" and gives me more.  And, I in turn can share that more with others.  It's so fun!  Life should be our greatest adventure, not a cage we construct for ourselves in order to create some false sense of safety.  The world is exquisite in all its' beauty and can be equally deadly.  But getting out in it is what gives us the knowledge to know how to navigate those potential dangers, not a reason to try to keep ourselves safe.  So get out there and do some adventuring.  Free your soul.  Trade things for experiences and really live, and then share that with others.  That's where the gold is.  Happy Adventuring!