I don't like this day. There, I said it. A constant reminder of what I don't have, and what everyone else seems to have, their mom. Now, I know that is not true. But, on days when pop culture wants to rub it in your face every chance they get, that is exactly what it feels like.
Now, moving on. My mom was the shit. Period. If I could have had 30 more years with a person half as awesome as she was, I would never trade her. Not for anything. She taught me about the most important thing in the world: LOVE. Not only that, she taught me a lot of other important things too. So, I'm going to share some with you.
1. Say sorry. Even if you have done nothing wrong, sometimes you need to say sorry anyway. That apology builds a bridge towards the other person. I experienced her doing that, and watched her do it. And it worked.
2. Find out why someone is reacting the way they do. A person's reactions are never what they seem to be about on the surface, look a little deeper to find out why. She did that with us often. She listened to understand. And again, I watched her do it with others.
3. You may never pass this way again. One of my favorite things she used to tell me, when trying to figure out if I should do something or not. And often this helped me make the choice. If I never could do this thing again, would I regret it?
4. Jump the fence. Another gem. Basically, get through the limits you might have set for yourself and don't be afraid. Go for it!
5. Do what you have to do, do what you need to do, then you can do what you want to do. I learned so much about how to prioritize my life this way. Some things we just have to do, so get those out of the way. And do them well, no matter how small they seem. Then do what you need to, like laundry or groceries. And then do what you want.
6. Do something you love. Whenever I was restless, upset, mom always encouraged taking a pause to do something I really enjoyed. That might be reading, watching a movie, taking a walk. She taught me the joy of simple pleasures.
7. Practice your craft. Every day. I rarely remember a day going by that she did not play the piano and sing. Music always filled our home. She read and she wrote too. TV was usually reserved for the evening, maybe a few shows.
8. Share. I cannot tell you the amount of people who cycled through our home, and not just our relatives. She always found a way to share what she had, whether it was food or the space of our home or herself.
9. Start fresh. We can always start right where we are. Even if yesterday or 2 minutes ago we messed up, right now, this present moment is new. I cannot count the amount of times she told me this.
10. How to love. She was love. Mom was no regarder of persons. She didn't care if you were the CEO, or a checker at the grocery store. I watched her look at people, not through them. If you met her, you knew she loved you instantly, there was no guile. She was strong, and never afraid to say what she felt. She loved through difficulties, disagreements, even in spite of her own feelings, still she loved. I watched her take meals to a homeless man in Grant Park day after day, take care of our neighbors, while never once making us feel neglected. She gave the best hugs and had the warmest hands.
Julia Cameron says art alchemizes our lives. And that is exactly what happened today. I never know how I am going to feel on Mother's Day. It started a little rough, so I sat down to do morning pages. And about half-way through, my attitude shifted, ever so slightly, about this day. I still don't like it. But, I choose to write about what mom taught me, and how much I love her. I am sad that so many never got to be in her presence. She truly was magic. My hope is that pieces of her live on in me, my brothers, my nephews. This is how we share her with the world.