Here it is. I found it. I am reading a book by Pema Chodron, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. She starts off Chapter 4 saying, "It's up to us. We can spend our lives cultivating our resentments and cravings or we can explore the path of the warrior-nurturing open-mindedness and courage". Some person decided to write in pencil, "no, it's not, it's up to the Creator of us-God!" And therein lies my problem.
We are not exempt from the responsibility of our lives, whether we are "saved" or not. I truly believe, with all my heart, we are co-creators with the Divine. I did not come up with this, but it resonates deeply within me. I did not start to wake up, start to live consciously until I realized and decided I am responsible for every single choice and decision I make. Bailing out and leaving it up to Jesus or God to save me without putting in the work is ridiculous. And yet, much of our world here in America at least, believes in that.
This is not to say I do not believe in miracles or unexpected turnarounds or changes in behavior. Because I do. But by and large, most of those choices come from a decision in the heart. Not a one-time decision, but an ongoing decision. Instead of asking Jesus to save us, we can and should save ourselves in a sense. Now, I'm far from an expert in understanding how this works. But I do know I have always been at odds with people telling me how to live my life on the one hand, and then telling me I will stand before God alone. Doesn't work both ways. If I am standing alone before God at the end of my life, then I will make sure to own my choices.