Why I Am Annoyed Today

Sometimes I get so annoyed about things I just have to post, because I don't understand why people do not see what they are doing.  All the drama and all the nonsense and all the ways we keep ourselves entrapped by giving so much away to others.

I am almost always doing some sort of continuous learning related to spirituality, and other things.  Not any kind of formal education (yet), but, finding online resources or classes to assist me in areas I need to do some work in.  Last year, I worked through "The Artist's Way", by Julia Cameron, and that book changed my life. Her whole goal with the book is getting your creativity unblocked.  And so this opened me up and set me on a path to greater discovery of myself and turned my life upside down in the best possible way. I am now living more of the life I desire, it's almost perfect.

Right now, I am working on two things specifically.  A meditation geared towards writers specifically, and Soulmate School.  Interestingly enough, they both have similar components. I have come to believe meditation is an excellent tool in quieting your mind and removing what blocks us.  I see blocks like rocks in a stream, big ones, sometimes boulder size.  When the boulders are in place, the flow of life is reduced down to a trickle.  Sometimes we need help getting these blocks out of the way so the flow of life can be restored.  

The meditation program specifically geared towards writers works on things like removing those blocks that keep our writing from flowing.  Procrastination, lack of focus, and the inner critic.  I believe with all my heart that I am on this earth to write.  Not just books, but to share what I have learned, write poetry, music.  Whatever I have inside me needs to be shared with the world.  But I am not sure exactly how to turn that into a career, so this piece is important to me and I need some help, to get some clarity on my next steps.

The other thing I am working on is a course called "Soulmate School".  I am currently single, which I am okay with; however, I want to find my soulmate.  Yes, I do believe in this, and I have been honest enough with myself to admit that I want a partner to share my life with and to have a deep, soul connection.  I know there has been something going on that I have not been able to figure out on my own, so this resource came across my path.  Guess what?  Dealing with blocks again.  This time, things surrounding self-love and acceptance, any shame and self-limiting beliefs.  But the most powerful thing I have come to understand is how much of my own energy I have given to others.  Not just past exes or lovers, but even family members or situations, traumas, etc. As I have learned to quit giving my energy away, I am learning to truly deeply love and accept myself, all of me, exactly where I am, and to keep my precious energy to myself.

So, this brings me to what is annoying me.  So many people create so much drama for themselves, and others.  We get trapped in the energy of a situation, or a repeat situation, over and over again.  Most of us never start to ask why, which is a shame.  We do so much work on our bodies, on our careers, on our families, but we seldom stop to ask what is going on with our soul. Most of the time, we are not even aware of what we do.  Most of us are so worried about getting ours, or getting our way, we don't stop to think for one second about what we do to to others.

On the flip side of that, we also have to quit creating drama for ourselves and create some boundaries within ourselves to others.  Be able to be honest, and ask for what we want, say what we need.  Even if we are afraid of what the outcome is, we must learn to speak our own truth or the consequences can be dire.  For an artist that does not speak their truth in whatever medium is their passion, that energy internalizes and has no where to go but inside.  I think many people who deal with addictions, in whatever form they are, not only have pain they are dealing with, but more importantly, are locking down the reality of who they are by not pursuing their art.  I know, I've been there.  It's only been recently I have been learning to trust myself enough to admit I am a writer, and to move forward with this.

Let's get off the drama merry-go-round, shall we?  Here's some things I have learned.  I'm not saying they are easy, but it will help.  

1. Stop the blame game.  Meaning: make your decisions based on your truth, not someone else's. So many people say "well they did this, so I'm doing that".  Just stop it.  If you do something, own it.  Quit blaming it on someone else, and quit letting someone else dictate how you will act.  You have now effectively just given away all your power, and your energy too.

2. Ask for what you want even though it's scary.  Actually, it's downright terrifying.  But you know what's worse?  Never asking, because the answer will then always be no.  I guess sometimes that seems like a safer option, so we won't have to be disappointed.  Or we create drama surrounding what we want so we don't have to be honest. I call bullshit.  Go for it!  I made a huge ask last year, and the answer was yes!  And now I am living the life I only ever dreamed I could.  

3. If you don't know who you are, or what you want, find someone who does and listen to what they have to say about how they got there.  I started out about 3 years ago doing a lot of different things to find out what my passions are.  I took guitar lessons, started writing consistently, admitted to myself that I love travel and photography and started pursuing those things.  One thing lead to another and I just spent a month in Ireland.  But, you have to pursue.

4. Speaking of that, pursue your passion.  I wholeheartedly believe if you don't, it might just kill you.  And it will cause a lot of self-destruction if it doesn't outright kill you.  If there is a dream you have, something you are dying to do, get after it.  Start small.  Many of the people I listen to say that one small action a day is what keeps you moving forward, and gets you closer to whatever it is you are passionate about.  

If you do even some of these things, you will no longer have time for drama.  It has only been in the last 3-4 years I have really began to understand a lot of these things.  To find out who I am, what my passions are.  To live my own truth, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  I am not saying I am doing this perfectly, but I certainly feel myself a lot lighter and a lot brighter.  I am able to give and receive love much better, feel more grounded in myself.  And there are things I have learned and am learning that I will not do, places I will no longer go to give away pieces of myself because I want to be needed to feel loved.  I keep my energy to myself as best as I can.  

Whatever you think about mediation or energy or blocks doesn't really matter.  For I can tell you with a certainty it is working in my own life.  Now, if the rest of you could just get your shit together and end the drama, I would be so happy!!!!